Forgive or Forget?

/ Steve Lakey / Leave a comment

lily Photo: Lily by Anna Langova

 

She wore a frown like an open wound; coming here to visit me had not been easy. I watched her frosted breath rise as she walked through the wrought iron gates. Huddled against the winter cold, she took slow measured strides up the long tarmac drive. In her arms, she cradled a slim package.

It had been a few months, I suppose, since I had last seen Amanda. But time had stood still for me since that day, like I was waiting in limbo. My last words to her had been spoken in anger. How I’ve wished that I could turn back the clock.
I was on a last warning and blew it. Big time. “You have one more drink and we’re finished.” Amanda’s words were a stark warning I should have heeded.
I don’t know how the argument started that night. Probably something trivial like which TV channel we should watch. But on that hot July night, it ignited another row.
I needed space to chill out, and get myself together. I told her I was going out for cigarettes; one bad habit I could control. “Come back in a better mood!” Her words were snatched away, as I slammed the door behind me.
As I drove past O’Malley’s, the warm lights were soft and welcoming. I tore my gaze away and drove on towards the Late Kabin. No point making a bad situation worse. I got my smokes, and as an afterthought, a bouquet of white flowers. How they keep them fresh on hot nights, I’ll never know.
Behind the counter, Mr Krishna looked over his half-rimmed spectacles and smiled a knowing smile. “Ah, Peace lilies again. Ideal for mending broken fences,” he paused, looking unusually serious, “and broken hearts.”
I gave him the money and a weak smile. “I don’t know what sort they are, they just look alright!”
As I settled back into my Ford, I began to develop an idea. I could have a couple of cokes at O’Malley’s and a few laughs with the lads. Home in an hour, before the flowers start to wilt. Then who knows, it could be my lucky night? Maybe, I should have bought chocolates as well…
A ‘couple of cokes’ – who was I kidding? After a few beers and whisky chasers, I was just getting into my stride. But then something happened. I don’t know what did it, but I kept thinking about Mr Krishna at the Kabin. Something in his eyes; something in what he said. It was almost like he knew it was more serious this time.
After drinking up, I said my goodbyes and left. That brief feeling of anxiety I had in the bar had already left me; after all, I hadn’t even been in there an hour. As my car pulled away from O’Malley’s I remember reaching to change the CD.
I didn’t see the car that hit me until it was too late. Brakes screaming, it ploughed straight into my door. I can still picture the pretty face of the woman driver, twisted in horror. My door caved in, pinning me to the seat. Then, thankfully, everything faded out.

Amanda came to visit me a few times while I was in hospital. But I could see that something had changed. She knew that I had been drinking, and the accident had been my fault. Fortunately, the other driver wasn’t physically injured, just badly shaken. I wish I could have apologised, but I never saw her again; it was all dealt with through insurance companies. Amanda’s visits became shorter and shorter. Then they stopped.
When I left hospital, after a couple of weeks, I didn’t return to Amanda. It was impossible; everything had changed.
Through these long months, I’ve wondered if she’d ever come to visit me. She was only a couple of miles away, but there was a great divide between us. I knew we wouldn’t get back together, but I needed to know she still cared. Then, just maybe, we could both move forward.

As she walked closer, I could see she had been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. It was taking all of her strength to even be here. She stopped a few feet away from me and slowly unwrapped the package. I recognised the white flowers straight away. Ideal for mending broken fences and broken hearts. Amanda carefully arranged them in the vase, her fresh tears moistening the petals.
She leaned closer and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Paul. It was just too painful to visit. I felt somehow that it was my fault, like I had driven you away. If we hadn’t argued that night, we’d still be together. I really miss you, but somehow I’ve got to keep going. One day at a time.”
She knelt down again and her forefinger traced my name. ‘PAUL’. For the first time, I had the courage to read the rest of the inscription.
PAUL ROBERTS
1963 – 2003
TAKEN TOO SOON.
ALWAYS FORGIVEN,
NEVER FORGOTTEN.
I knew that somehow she could feel my presence, if only for a brief moment. I hoped it would give her the comfort she needed. As for me, the warm lights that beckoned weren’t from any pub or bar.
It was time for us both to move on.

Don’t Go Without, Go Within

/ Steve Lakey / 8 Comments

the-candle Photo: The Candle by Bobbi Jones Jones

“The peace we need is always present, it’s just that

 we have forgotten where it is and how to find it.”

Clare Wilde.

It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but I’ve found that looking for external solutions to every problem just doesn’t work.

I’ve always thought of myself as being ‘Spiritual’ rather than ‘Religious’ and have never become formally attached to any such group. I’ve never accepted the “one size fits all” approach, where someone tells you they have all the knowledge you need. And you shouldn’t question their message or look elsewhere for answers, if it doesn’t make sense to you.  I like to have the freedom to accept or reject beliefs and philosophies, using my own reasoning and intuition.

And yet over the years, I’ve found myself wanting the “quick fix” that seems to be on offer with a self-help author’s latest title. No matter that I bought their last one, thoroughly digested it… And moved on to the next. I still have the books, CDs and DVDs to prove it!

Rather than just reading the material, I hoped that the latest book would be “The One” that gave me enlightenment, and solved all my problems. Or rather gave me all the tools I needed to do that. Isn’t that what Spiritual and Self Help books are supposed to do?

But they too have a “one size fits all” approach – suggesting that the solutions to Life’s problems can be contained neatly into a book, or Ten Step Programme or Nine CD set. And although their last book implied that this was ‘all you need to know’, they now have distilled their message into an even more perfect ‘must-read’.

It’s not helped by the fact that there is a huge industry that has developed out of the Self-Improvement and Motivational field. Which is not a bad thing in itself. But it seems that authors often try and out-do each other with ever more amazing claims of what their programme or system can do for you. Sometimes it’s really just a book, but calling it a “programme” or “system” gives it a bit more ‘holistic’ credibility.

I’m sure there is benefit to be had in learning and absorbing new approaches, and different perspectives. So I’m going to carry on reading and listening to motivational material. But instead of asking the author of the next book to give me Life’s solutions, I’ll look within. That’s where I believe I will find the answers I need. And where they were all along.

Design for Life

/ Steve Lakey / 6 Comments

Trees Photo: Sakura Trees by Petr Kratochvil

 

It’s been another hot summer’s day. Walking along a tree-lined pathway, it occurred to me that in nature, things effortlessly follow their own blueprint. I’m sure that trees don’t doubt their ability to grow tall and strong. A stalk of grass probably doesn’t compare itself to a neighbour.

Do we have our own “Design”? I think if we’re guided by our intuition, we know when something feels right. But we don’t have to follow it, and often Life gets in the way to drown out our inner voice.

We have the ability to rewrite our plans, over and over – which can be a blessing or a curse. Having the freedom to create our own life, means that if the doubts creep in, we can end up settling for less than our best. 

It’s an obvious statement, but Life is all about Creation. I used to believe that we have to take whatever Life throws at us. I now see that we actively co-create our experience together with Life. We are deeply involved in the process, every second of every day. Whether we’re aware of it or not.

Surely, we have a responsibility to ourselves to find what lights us up, and pursue it, to the extent that we can. Even if it remains a hobby, rather than a career. But more than that, if we lift ourselves up, we pass the benefits on to those around us, and subconsciously give them permission to do the same.

So, you know what to do… Find your talent. And shine your light.

A Quantum of Physics

/ Steve Lakey / 6 Comments

spatiul-cosmic

Photo: Space by Silviu Firulete

 

I don’t know about you, but Quantum Physics (or Quantum Mechanics) has a strange fascination for me. They say that particles can be in more than one place at a time. If something isn’t being observed, it can exist simultaneously in multiple locations. Does that mean, if I take my car into the garage and leave; quantum mechanics everywhere are waiting to observe it? And how much extra will that cost me? 🙂

There are multiple universes/realities where, literally, all sorts of possibilities are taking place. Also, you can’t observe something without changing it, basically to what you expect will happen. There’s no such thing as a passive observer! And Time isn’t linear, it’s horizontal. In effect, everything is happening NOW. That means you’re reading this at the same time I’m writing it! Oh, and thanks for all the ‘Likes’ and positive comments about this article. Now I’m pushing it! 😉

They say that everything exists in potential. When it is focused upon enough by an observer, it will form into matter. You are the observer, so everything you want already exists. You decide by your focus which of the potentials get to make it to your “reality”. So maybe the Law of Attraction should actually be called the Law of Filtration! Everything is there for us, but we filter into being, that which we expect to see – based on our own conditioning.

Reality is all about our own perception.

For instance, you’re not what you eat. You are what you feel about what you eat. You can’t be healthy if you don’t feel healthy on the inside – whatever your lifestyle.

So the message is, “Go Within”. The way to change our external circumstances is through internal transformation. Change the way we think and feel about ourselves, on a daily basis. We have to grow to become the thing we wish to receive. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

In case you’d like a better explanation about Quantum Physics from someone who’s an expert – try any of the ‘Dr Quantum’ books by Dr Fred Alan Wolf. The combination of his knowledge as a physicist, his spiritual insights and quirky sense of humour, make his books a must-read.

It’s the Thought That Counts

/ Steve Lakey / 3 Comments

idea Photo: Idea by George Hodan

“Change your mind – your thoughts, your emotions and beliefs – and you will change your life”. David R. Hamilton PhD

Having recently read ‘It’s the Thought That Counts’, by David Hamilton, not only does Positive Thinking work, but also there is a huge amount of scientific data to back it up – it’s not just wishful thinking. The key message I took from this book is that our thoughts have the power to change ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Either positively or negatively.

Our mind and emotions can influence the health and well-being of our body and even the structure of our DNA. The author uses his background as a scientist in the pharmaceutical industry to provide extensive medical evidence to back up his claims. But it is his own positive attitude and faith in human potential that really brings this book to life.

Many people are familiar with the Placebo Effect. Thinking that a course of treatment will make them better, is more likely to produce that outcome in a person, even with no active medication involved. But it goes further. The more a person believes in the whole process, the more positive the results tend to be. Receiving medication and reassurance from a convincing “man in a white coat” can lead to improved medical outcomes – if that fits with the patient’s view of professional medical care.

Studies have shown that even people affected by dementia can regain cognitive skills. By engaging with them in ways that stimulate brain activity, neural pathways can be created and strengthened – with tangible results. In simple terms, if people are treated as being “younger” than their age, they act “younger”. Having a positive outlook leads to positive changes.

The book also explores the idea that with our thoughts we can all connect with what renowned Psychologist Carl Jung termed the “Collective Unconscious” – a Universal source of knowledge.

David Hamilton isn’t suggesting that we ignore traditional medical treatments, but he believes that we should view the patient holistically, and promote positive thinking and lifestyle changes. The book is a fascinating read and gives a medical and scientific view on the power of Positive Thinking.