gratitude

Positively Negative!

/ Steve Lakey / 4 Comments

old-camera Photo: Old Camera by George Hodan

If you’ve read the same books on “Positive Thinking” that I have, they make it sound so easy:

  1. Really focus on what you want.
  2. Sit back and let the Positivity flow.
  3. Live Happily Ever After! 

Or something along those lines. Is it working for you? No, me neither! Because we live in the real, physical world. And we need to act on our dreams, and move a little closer to them.

So, where to begin? If you feel that you’re not moving forward with your life, inspiration isn’t that easy to come by.  The good news is that motivation can come in one of two forms: positive – moving towards what you want, or negative – moving away from what you don’t want. And if ‘negative’ is closer to what you are feeling right now, that’s where to start. Tap into your negative feelings.

For instance, if you’re overweight and you don’t like the way it makes you feel, be honest about it to yourself. Say why you’d like to lose those pounds. I know we’re told to focus on the Positive, but if you’re not in that place, it’s easier said than done. So, begin the process from where you are. Later, once you’re motivated, you can switch to the positive, and focus on why you want to be healthy, rather than why you don’t like being overweight.

You may want to try this:

  1. Make a list of what isn’t working in your life.
  2. Look at each point on the list, and write down what you don’t like about it. And why you’d like to move away from it.
  3. Focus on the “energy” of the list, and notice how different it feels, compared to being unmotivated. Use the negative energy of dislike to motivate you.
  4. Pick an item on the list and look for a small action you can take in connection with that goal. Add that onto the list.
  5. If the small action seems too daunting, break it down into even smaller tasks.
  6. Once you’ve completed a mini-task – celebrate, bask in the warm glow of satisfaction, and then pick another.
  7. Keep adjusting the list, so you gradually replace negative “moving away from” goals with positive “moving towards” goals, and keep including those practical steps. Leave your successes on the list.
  8. Once your list becomes more positive, check it and make sure that ‘Smiling’ and ‘Having Fun’ are included somewhere!
  9. Relax. You’ve earned it.
  10. Don’t quit on your dreams. Ever.

 

Spiritual Lessons from a Broken Tumble Drier

/ Steve Lakey / 12 Comments

socks

Photo: Socks by Peter Griffin

I’m learning lessons from some unlikely situations. But I shouldn’t be surprised really. Isn’t that generally the way of things?

It’s a few months ago now that our reassuringly rumbly old tumble drier turned into a shrieking banshee. Because of its age, it wasn’t economical to repair. I unplugged it one last time…

Worse was to come, as we weren’t able to buy an immediate replacement. Why are all the best driers taken?

What to do? It was too wet to dry anything outside. So out came the clothes drying racks. ‘Old school’ drying at its finest. The spare bedroom became a drying room. Waiting a day or two for our clothes to dry. The horror!

But despite not being ideal, we coped. The world didn’t stop turning. And it made me realize that I’d never once given a thought to the drier when it was working. I’d never taken the time to appreciate what I had. It was just a functional appliance that I took for granted.

So two lessons for me here:

I should value what I have, now matter how ordinary it appears. And when life throws a spanner in the works, I can always improvise and find a way to cope.

We’ve now welcomed a brand new drier into our garage. And what a wonderful tumble drier it is!

Piece of the Action or Peace of Mind

/ Steve Lakey / 9 Comments

Sailboat

Photo: Safe Harbour by Tamara Ward

Zig Ziglar: ”If standard of living is your major objective, quality of life almost never improves, but if quality of life is your number one objective, your standard of living almost always improves.”

What is it that you focus on the most? If you’re not happy with your current circumstances, it makes sense to set goals to improve them. You have to start from where you are, but where should your emphasis go?

It’s tempting to focus on the money. Many of us have done it at one time or another. I know I have. “If only I had more money…” “When I get more money…” “If I had the money that they have…”

But really, is the money an end result, or just a means to an end? We need money to live in a material world, no question. But basically we want peace of mind. Happiness. Maybe having a big house and new car will give you lasting happiness, and maybe it won’t. But doesn’t it make sense to go directly for the end result?

If you want happiness, cut out the middleman and go for it. Focus on it now, plan for it and take some small action towards it. What really inspires you? What would you do if the money was already taken care of? If you can’t find the time and effort to practice being happy now, how will you do it when you’ve got all the “things”, and you’re still chasing happiness?

Don’t forget to appreciate the good things you already have. It’s sometimes easy to forget, when you get caught up thinking about the future. It may be a cliché, but there are so many things that happiness can’t buy. If your focus is happiness, you’re unlikely to have many of the hang-ups about money that stop you getting it in the first place.

Relax and enjoy the good things in your life now. Then get started on being really happy.

Have a Nice Trip?

/ Steve Lakey / 2 Comments

snow scene

Photo: Snow Storm by Peter Griffin

A few days ago, we had a heavy snowfall, during the afternoon. As I drove from work, I had a couple of near misses with cars skidding to a halt in front of me. My engine then started cutting out. Closer to home, my car lost traction climbing a steep hill, and I ended up blocking traffic on a narrow stretch of road. Nothing I tried could get me moving forwards. There was no let-up in the snow or high winds.

From nowhere, a man with a shovel started digging my wheels out. Others came to help, and soon three people were pushing my car up the hill until I got moving again.

Three more times on the way home, I got stuck in deep snow. Three more times, people came and gave me a push to get me started. What is normally a twenty-minute journey had taken me about two hours. I was completely stressed, and couldn’t wait to get home and close the front door. The thought of driving back to work in the morning didn’t exactly fill me with joy…

It was only later when I reflected on my experiences. Was it really the nightmare journey I’d thought?

I was safe, as was my car. Several groups of perfect strangers had come to my aid, unprompted and got me moving again. They expected no recognition or reward; they’d just seen someone in trouble and gone to help out. I never got the chance to speak to anyone and give them my thanks. Without their intervention, I would’ve had to abandon my car in a dangerous position, and walk home through the snowstorm.

As for the weather – heavy rain during the night cleared the roads, and the sun was shining on my drive to work in the morning.

All in all, I consider myself quite lucky.