happiness

Spiritual Lessons from a Broken Tumble Drier

/ Steve Lakey / 12 Comments

socks

Photo: Socks by Peter Griffin

I’m learning lessons from some unlikely situations. But I shouldn’t be surprised really. Isn’t that generally the way of things?

It’s a few months ago now that our reassuringly rumbly old tumble drier turned into a shrieking banshee. Because of its age, it wasn’t economical to repair. I unplugged it one last time…

Worse was to come, as we weren’t able to buy an immediate replacement. Why are all the best driers taken?

What to do? It was too wet to dry anything outside. So out came the clothes drying racks. ‘Old school’ drying at its finest. The spare bedroom became a drying room. Waiting a day or two for our clothes to dry. The horror!

But despite not being ideal, we coped. The world didn’t stop turning. And it made me realize that I’d never once given a thought to the drier when it was working. I’d never taken the time to appreciate what I had. It was just a functional appliance that I took for granted.

So two lessons for me here:

I should value what I have, now matter how ordinary it appears. And when life throws a spanner in the works, I can always improvise and find a way to cope.

We’ve now welcomed a brand new drier into our garage. And what a wonderful tumble drier it is!

Placebo or Nocebo?

/ Steve Lakey / 11 Comments

medical-pills

Photo: Medical Pills by Vera Kratochvil

Placebo (Latin: “I will please”) Nocebo (Latin: “I will harm”)

Most people are familiar with the “Placebo Effect”, positive health benefits brought about purely by a person’s belief in the healing effects of their medication. A placebo, or “sugar pill” contains only an inert substance that has no independent healing properties.

It is purely the person’s belief in the medication, often coupled with the reassurance of a trusted medical professional, that kick-starts the healing process.

The effects of this process are so significant that it is commonly factored into the testing of new drugs, before they are released onto the market.

Less well known is the “Nocebo Effect”, where people receiving a placebo report negative effects – worsening of their symptoms. This is not through any chemical side effects, but purely through their belief that the tablet will not be effective in treating their condition.

The evidence shows that the key to our physical wellbeing lies with our mental attitude, brought about by our thoughts and feelings. If we don’t direct our thoughts, they may drift between positive and negative, or be predominantly one or the other.

We can choose our thoughts by practice and repetition. No matter what our current circumstances, the answer lies within us.

Which effect do you choose to nurture: placebo or nocebo?

Piece of the Action or Peace of Mind

/ Steve Lakey / 9 Comments

Sailboat

Photo: Safe Harbour by Tamara Ward

Zig Ziglar: ”If standard of living is your major objective, quality of life almost never improves, but if quality of life is your number one objective, your standard of living almost always improves.”

What is it that you focus on the most? If you’re not happy with your current circumstances, it makes sense to set goals to improve them. You have to start from where you are, but where should your emphasis go?

It’s tempting to focus on the money. Many of us have done it at one time or another. I know I have. “If only I had more money…” “When I get more money…” “If I had the money that they have…”

But really, is the money an end result, or just a means to an end? We need money to live in a material world, no question. But basically we want peace of mind. Happiness. Maybe having a big house and new car will give you lasting happiness, and maybe it won’t. But doesn’t it make sense to go directly for the end result?

If you want happiness, cut out the middleman and go for it. Focus on it now, plan for it and take some small action towards it. What really inspires you? What would you do if the money was already taken care of? If you can’t find the time and effort to practice being happy now, how will you do it when you’ve got all the “things”, and you’re still chasing happiness?

Don’t forget to appreciate the good things you already have. It’s sometimes easy to forget, when you get caught up thinking about the future. It may be a cliché, but there are so many things that happiness can’t buy. If your focus is happiness, you’re unlikely to have many of the hang-ups about money that stop you getting it in the first place.

Relax and enjoy the good things in your life now. Then get started on being really happy.

Have a Nice Trip?

/ Steve Lakey / 2 Comments

snow scene

Photo: Snow Storm by Peter Griffin

A few days ago, we had a heavy snowfall, during the afternoon. As I drove from work, I had a couple of near misses with cars skidding to a halt in front of me. My engine then started cutting out. Closer to home, my car lost traction climbing a steep hill, and I ended up blocking traffic on a narrow stretch of road. Nothing I tried could get me moving forwards. There was no let-up in the snow or high winds.

From nowhere, a man with a shovel started digging my wheels out. Others came to help, and soon three people were pushing my car up the hill until I got moving again.

Three more times on the way home, I got stuck in deep snow. Three more times, people came and gave me a push to get me started. What is normally a twenty-minute journey had taken me about two hours. I was completely stressed, and couldn’t wait to get home and close the front door. The thought of driving back to work in the morning didn’t exactly fill me with joy…

It was only later when I reflected on my experiences. Was it really the nightmare journey I’d thought?

I was safe, as was my car. Several groups of perfect strangers had come to my aid, unprompted and got me moving again. They expected no recognition or reward; they’d just seen someone in trouble and gone to help out. I never got the chance to speak to anyone and give them my thanks. Without their intervention, I would’ve had to abandon my car in a dangerous position, and walk home through the snowstorm.

As for the weather – heavy rain during the night cleared the roads, and the sun was shining on my drive to work in the morning.

All in all, I consider myself quite lucky.

Sorry, Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

/ Steve Lakey / 37 Comments

depression

Photo: Depression by George Hodan

Study after study has shown that Positive Thinking doesn’t improve your results. In fact, in many cases it has a negative effect on your outcomes. You can visualize every day, think positively about your life and still be in a worse place than people who don’t.

Why is that? Because many of the people who visualize, and think positively believe that’s all they have to do!

Positive Thinking on its own doesn’t work – because you have to take action to get the right results. Ideally, the “right” sort of action, inspired action. But any action is better than none. Your thoughts are the starting point, but we live in a physical world. Thoughts alone won’t get you there. You have to move your feet. It’s no good buying a new Ferrari if you don’t fuel it up. You don’t have to change the world, but you can make changes to yourself.

Working with thoughts and actions in tandem is where you get the best results. Lot’s of people work hard every day, and have little to show for it. So you need to take time to focus and plan your outcomes and goals. If you don’t know what you really want, how will you know if you get there?

This is where positive thinking and visualizing kick in. You have to practice them regularly because their effects are short lived. But so is cleaning your teeth, and you probably do that twice a day. It’s still a useful activity!

A problem can be, the more time you spend visualizing, the more you notice the difference between your current reality and where you want to be. But if you mix in short term goals, you can see the progress you are making towards them. You can even add goals you have achieved on the list, to remind yourself of your successes.

So make Positive Thinking part of your lifestyle – but don’t forget to take Positive Action!