self-help

Have a Nice Trip?

/ Steve Lakey / 2 Comments

snow scene

Photo: Snow Storm by Peter Griffin

A few days ago, we had a heavy snowfall, during the afternoon. As I drove from work, I had a couple of near misses with cars skidding to a halt in front of me. My engine then started cutting out. Closer to home, my car lost traction climbing a steep hill, and I ended up blocking traffic on a narrow stretch of road. Nothing I tried could get me moving forwards. There was no let-up in the snow or high winds.

From nowhere, a man with a shovel started digging my wheels out. Others came to help, and soon three people were pushing my car up the hill until I got moving again.

Three more times on the way home, I got stuck in deep snow. Three more times, people came and gave me a push to get me started. What is normally a twenty-minute journey had taken me about two hours. I was completely stressed, and couldn’t wait to get home and close the front door. The thought of driving back to work in the morning didn’t exactly fill me with joy…

It was only later when I reflected on my experiences. Was it really the nightmare journey I’d thought?

I was safe, as was my car. Several groups of perfect strangers had come to my aid, unprompted and got me moving again. They expected no recognition or reward; they’d just seen someone in trouble and gone to help out. I never got the chance to speak to anyone and give them my thanks. Without their intervention, I would’ve had to abandon my car in a dangerous position, and walk home through the snowstorm.

As for the weather – heavy rain during the night cleared the roads, and the sun was shining on my drive to work in the morning.

All in all, I consider myself quite lucky.

Sorry, Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

/ Steve Lakey / 37 Comments

depression

Photo: Depression by George Hodan

Study after study has shown that Positive Thinking doesn’t improve your results. In fact, in many cases it has a negative effect on your outcomes. You can visualize every day, think positively about your life and still be in a worse place than people who don’t.

Why is that? Because many of the people who visualize, and think positively believe that’s all they have to do!

Positive Thinking on its own doesn’t work – because you have to take action to get the right results. Ideally, the “right” sort of action, inspired action. But any action is better than none. Your thoughts are the starting point, but we live in a physical world. Thoughts alone won’t get you there. You have to move your feet. It’s no good buying a new Ferrari if you don’t fuel it up. You don’t have to change the world, but you can make changes to yourself.

Working with thoughts and actions in tandem is where you get the best results. Lot’s of people work hard every day, and have little to show for it. So you need to take time to focus and plan your outcomes and goals. If you don’t know what you really want, how will you know if you get there?

This is where positive thinking and visualizing kick in. You have to practice them regularly because their effects are short lived. But so is cleaning your teeth, and you probably do that twice a day. It’s still a useful activity!

A problem can be, the more time you spend visualizing, the more you notice the difference between your current reality and where you want to be. But if you mix in short term goals, you can see the progress you are making towards them. You can even add goals you have achieved on the list, to remind yourself of your successes.

So make Positive Thinking part of your lifestyle – but don’t forget to take Positive Action!

Gratitude Attitude

/ Steve Lakey / 2 Comments

smiley   

 Photo: Smiley by Paul Lloyd

One way to feel good is to have a gratitude attitude. Make it part of your routine. Every day and often. Nothing to feel good about? Use your imagination. It’s about putting things into perspective.

We all have endless things to feel grateful for. Take a walk in nature and see the beauty around you. Think about the technology and access to information that we take for granted. If you live in the developed world, you’re richer than most people on the planet. Wherever you live, you can still choose to view life your way. Of course people may say that you should be more “realistic” with your thinking. But who are they to say what is realistic for you? We are each able to frame our own thinking. Every day, or every moment can be a fresh start. You can only ever experience in this current moment, so why not make it feel the way you want it to.

Is it really selfish to put yourself first? Even if it goes against everything we’ve been told, how can you give to others if you’re running on empty? If you make a habit of taking some “me” time, it allows you to recharge your batteries and be more able to live and full life.

You are totally unique. Out of 107 billion people who have ever lived, there will only ever be one “you”. Start from where you are and use what you have. Don’t put off want you want to do. If the task seems daunting, take one step at a time. The only perfect time to start is NOW!

Thought Bubble

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bubbles

Photo: Bubbles by George Hodan

 

I believe we are all living in our own ‘thought bubble’ – a ‘bubble’ of consciousness. Nothing can enter without us first creating it on some level. We allow all our experiences to enter either consciously or unconsciously.

How do we monitor what’s in our bubble? It would be draining to try and analyse even our conscious thoughts. It can even be counter-productive. Once you realise that you have created negative thoughts, how does that make you feel? Even worse! How do you ‘dig out’ those negative thoughts anyway?

But in any given moment you know how you feel. If you’re not comfortable with where you are, you can do something to change it. You have a choice here. You’re the one who created the thoughts. So, re-create them. If you’re confronted with a situation you don’t like, re-frame it or shift your focus. Often, it is our resistance to the problem that makes it worse. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not going to find a solution. If something is draining your energy, put your focus elsewhere. Maybe have a cup of tea. Then come back to your original problem with fresh eyes. Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

You won’t be able to improve the economy single-handed, so worrying about it can’t move you forward. You might feel better reminding yourself that you know how to budget, so whatever happens, you won’t go under. Or you may prefer to play a round of golf, because that’s where you relax and have your best ideas, free from the clutter of day-to-day thinking.

So, escapism rules? Lets head for the hills? It’s not about avoiding the issues, it’s about facing them in the frame of mind that gives us the edge. Author Jack London wrote, “Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” But there has to be more to it than thinking and feeling your way to happiness. You still have to take action.

It’s by taking action that the things you want will come to you. It’s no good expecting to win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. As they say, “You’ve got to be in it to win it!” But if working harder was the key to success, there would be a lot more successful people out there. Don’t work harder – work smarter.

The bottom line is: the only meaning that any incident has, is the one we assign to it. Is it a ‘disaster’ or a ‘learning experience’? Which do you prefer?

Positive Action

/ Steve Lakey / 1 Comment

woman-and-bicycle

Photo: Woman-on-Bicycle by George Hodan

Studies have shown that we each have an individual happiness level. Remarkably, even after life-changing events, the vast majority of us tend to return to that same level within twelve months. No matter what we’ve been through. Whether it is winning the lottery or experiencing one of life’s traumas.

How many people dream of winning the lottery, in order to feel happy? But it’s not having money that makes you happy. It’s your attitude towards the money – or anything else for that matter. As author Anaïs Nin wrote, “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

You set your own happiness level, either consciously, or subconsciously by default. Our brain is structured to think in certain ways. Until recently, scientists thought that once you reached adulthood your brain programming was permanently set. But research has shown that it is possible to literally reconfigure your brain’s wiring by changing your thinking.

Habitual thoughts strengthen associated neural pathways. If you think positive thoughts about yourself, those pathways will grow stronger, while the pathways associated with negative self-image will weaken. And vice versa. So, if you generally see things negatively, your brain is essentially hard-wired to make those types of thoughts ‘stick’.

If you want to change your thinking, how do you raise your happiness level? It’s not enough just to want to be happy. You need to take habitual action. This may seem like hard work – but this is about feeling good. It should be fun, or it won’t succeed. As with many forms of taking action, often it’s the starting that is the hard part. But once you’re in the flow, it feels great.

But in the same way you wouldn’t go the gym once, and expect to have a chiselled physique, it takes regular workouts – or habitual thinking.

Over time, the positive self-image will replace the negative one. This is true for positive and negative thoughts. You are changing how you “see” yourself or the world in general. Using your senses and emotions, you can “feel” your desired experience. The more this is repeated, and the stronger you link your emotions to it, the greater impact it will have.

Sing to your favourite tunes, go jogging, have a lie-in, watch a movie or read a book. Again, how you improve your mood is your own choice.

Why not give it a try? All you have to lose is your negativity.