self-help
Make a Choice!
Photo: Everyone has a Choice by George Hodan
We are our choices” Jean-Paul Sartre
Life seems very difficult, when so much of it appears to be beyond our control. Turn on the News and you see death, disaster and mayhem on a daily basis. Scary stuff. And there’s nothing we can do about it! Or is there?
There are three things that are always under our control, although we often forget it: our thoughts, feelings and actions. We always have a choice.
Of course we live in the real world, and sometimes compromises have to be made. And occasionally the best option is the “least worst” one. But you can always look for temporary solutions, while you move through a situation. You don’t have to get there in one leap.
Break your problem into smaller manageable chunks. First of all, clearly define your goal. What is your desired outcome? If you can’t see the whole path to the end result, develop a strategy to get you closer to where you want to be.
For instance, you may not like your job, but quitting it now may not be your best option:
- Firstly, make your current job more bearable. Look for the positives. Think what you’d miss if the job was to end tomorrow.
- Do your job better! You may not like your job, but you can like how you do it. There is satisfaction in doing the best you can.
- Can you get retrained? Evening classes may offer courses that may help you to find alternative employment.
- See your current job as a stepping-stone that allows you to develop the skills you need to achieve your desired goal.
- What are you passionate about? Almost any hobby can be turned into a business. The Internet has created a global market place. Someone, somewhere will appreciate your skills and knowledge. Start in a small, affordable way in your spare time.
This process can be used for any issue we experience. By staying solution-focused we allow ourselves access to our inner creativity. Instead of reacting to circumstances, far better to be proactive and make our own choices.
Spiritual Lessons from a Broken Tumble Drier
Photo: Socks by Peter Griffin
I’m learning lessons from some unlikely situations. But I shouldn’t be surprised really. Isn’t that generally the way of things?
It’s a few months ago now that our reassuringly rumbly old tumble drier turned into a shrieking banshee. Because of its age, it wasn’t economical to repair. I unplugged it one last time…
Worse was to come, as we weren’t able to buy an immediate replacement. Why are all the best driers taken?
What to do? It was too wet to dry anything outside. So out came the clothes drying racks. ‘Old school’ drying at its finest. The spare bedroom became a drying room. Waiting a day or two for our clothes to dry. The horror!
But despite not being ideal, we coped. The world didn’t stop turning. And it made me realize that I’d never once given a thought to the drier when it was working. I’d never taken the time to appreciate what I had. It was just a functional appliance that I took for granted.
So two lessons for me here:
I should value what I have, now matter how ordinary it appears. And when life throws a spanner in the works, I can always improvise and find a way to cope.
We’ve now welcomed a brand new drier into our garage. And what a wonderful tumble drier it is!
Placebo or Nocebo?
Photo: Medical Pills by Vera Kratochvil
Placebo (Latin: “I will please”) Nocebo (Latin: “I will harm”)
Most people are familiar with the “Placebo Effect”, positive health benefits brought about purely by a person’s belief in the healing effects of their medication. A placebo, or “sugar pill” contains only an inert substance that has no independent healing properties.
It is purely the person’s belief in the medication, often coupled with the reassurance of a trusted medical professional, that kick-starts the healing process.
The effects of this process are so significant that it is commonly factored into the testing of new drugs, before they are released onto the market.
Less well known is the “Nocebo Effect”, where people receiving a placebo report negative effects – worsening of their symptoms. This is not through any chemical side effects, but purely through their belief that the tablet will not be effective in treating their condition.
The evidence shows that the key to our physical wellbeing lies with our mental attitude, brought about by our thoughts and feelings. If we don’t direct our thoughts, they may drift between positive and negative, or be predominantly one or the other.
We can choose our thoughts by practice and repetition. No matter what our current circumstances, the answer lies within us.
Which effect do you choose to nurture: placebo or nocebo?
Piece of the Action or Peace of Mind
Photo: Safe Harbour by Tamara Ward
Zig Ziglar: ”If standard of living is your major objective, quality of life almost never improves, but if quality of life is your number one objective, your standard of living almost always improves.”
What is it that you focus on the most? If you’re not happy with your current circumstances, it makes sense to set goals to improve them. You have to start from where you are, but where should your emphasis go?
It’s tempting to focus on the money. Many of us have done it at one time or another. I know I have. “If only I had more money…” “When I get more money…” “If I had the money that they have…”
But really, is the money an end result, or just a means to an end? We need money to live in a material world, no question. But basically we want peace of mind. Happiness. Maybe having a big house and new car will give you lasting happiness, and maybe it won’t. But doesn’t it make sense to go directly for the end result?
If you want happiness, cut out the middleman and go for it. Focus on it now, plan for it and take some small action towards it. What really inspires you? What would you do if the money was already taken care of? If you can’t find the time and effort to practice being happy now, how will you do it when you’ve got all the “things”, and you’re still chasing happiness?
Don’t forget to appreciate the good things you already have. It’s sometimes easy to forget, when you get caught up thinking about the future. It may be a cliché, but there are so many things that happiness can’t buy. If your focus is happiness, you’re unlikely to have many of the hang-ups about money that stop you getting it in the first place.
Relax and enjoy the good things in your life now. Then get started on being really happy.
Walk the Self-Talk 