You’re Wrong M’Lord

January 19, 2015January 19, 2015 / Steve Lakey / 9 Comments

Photo © Al Forbes 2015

From ground level it didn’t look good. A lone figure swaying unsteadily on the high balcony above Connors Bank. The growing rumour – it was actually Lord Connor himself.

The word from across the counter was that the Lord’s midas touch had finally failed him. His bank had invested heavily in Oil and the Rouble, just at the wrong time. And his new corporate slogan, “You can’t con a Connor” had gone down like a lead balloon.

As the number of bystanders outside the bank increased, the tension grew steadily.

Two harassed bank staff struggled outside with a red carpet, which they rolled out on the likely drop zone. “The Old Man would surely want to go out in style”, one of them muttered.

TV crews arrived and quickly set up. A large group was shouting “Don’t do it!” up towards the roof, but the cameras concentrated on the few yelling “Jump!”

Meanwhile, up on the balcony, a smiling Lord Connor looked down and wondered what all the commotion was about. He finished his champagne, and flicked the crumbs from his cucumber sandwiches over the edge. It wasn’t often he took his lunch up here, but it had seemed to cause quite a stir. If this was the sort of publicity it got him, perhaps he should do it more often.

But he had more important things to think about than the rabble below. Maybe it was time for a new yacht? Why care about a few bad investments when he had a lovely big bonus on the way!

A few people had started moving inside the bank to withdraw their money. If Lord Connor was throwing in the towel, maybe a collapse was already in motion? Due to live national News coverage, the trickle became a torrent. Within hours, every Connors Bank in the country had locked its doors, never to re-open.

There would be no bonus and no business left for Lord Connor now. Just financial and social ruin.

Who knows. He might be needing that high balcony one last time…

The story was inspired by Sunday Photo Fiction, January 18th 2015, hosted by Al Forbes. Click the logo for more details.

To view other entries click the link here.

This post is also entered in the Word Snap Weekly challenge, hosted by Amanda Lakey at UniqueArt Chic.com. Click the logo for more details, and to read the other entries.

The Final Countdown

December 22, 2014December 22, 2014 / Steve Lakey / 12 Comments

Photo: © Al Forbes 2014

Dave Smith saw the red warning light flashing on Dover Tower. No! The crazy fools had actually done it! It could only mean one thing.

War had been declared, and the missiles were on their way. The clock was ticking. Maybe they’d all believe him now.

Dave didn’t need to cancel his papers. He didn’t read any. Didn’t watch the news either. Or listen to the radio. Too much bad news!

He braved the high winds and ran to his garden shed. Once inside, in a drill he’d practised a hundred times, Dave accessed his secret underground bunker. It was a shame he couldn’t convince anyone else of the dangers, but they all just laughed at him. No one knew of his secure location, and now they never would.

Dave looked briefly at the monitors showing his back garden and the famous white cliffs. Everything looked so ordinary and normal. He couldn’t bear to watch the carnage. With a tear in his eye, he shut all the cameras down.

Dave carefully set the timer. He would switch the cameras back on in exactly twelve months time. By then, the dust would have settled. To while away the time, he planned to watch pre-recorded comedy classics on his monitor. They’d keep his spirits up…

A page of the Dover Weekly News blew across his garden. If only Dave had kept his cameras on a minute longer – the headline would have interested him.

COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS:
SANTA’S BEACON LIT!

This story was prompted by Sunday Photo Fiction December 21st 2014, hosted by Al Forbes. Click the logo for more details.

To view other entries in this challenge, click the link.

Steeltown Rules!

November 30, 2014November 30, 2014 / Steve Lakey / 17 Comments

Photo: © Al Forbes 2014

Dear Cedar Thyme School for Boys,

So you have been around for a long time – since 1753, according to the plaque above your expensive-looking solid oak doors. Big deal! We at Steeltown Comprehensive (founded 2013) are here to stay. And we’ve got a nice new modern building with upvc double glazing!

Some of the lads at the school asked me to write this note as they think I’m one of the cleverer ones. They say I won’t just threaten you with violence – which, if I did, might be fun – but it would get our school closed down, or something.

We have the misfortune to share a boundary wall with you. But the way you toffs keep throwing bottles and stuff at us has got to stop. After complaints from parents, the council put up some sort of metal tunnel to protect us as we enter and leave. But there are huge gaps in it, so we’re still getting hit.

Don’t forget, throwing missiles – it’s not big or clever. It’s probably illegal too.

Some of our teachers have written to your school, to ask them to put a stop to it. They said they’d look into it. But it was all written off as ‘high jinks’ and a bit of boisterous boys’ behaviour. In short, nothing much happened.

So we’ve decided to take matters into our own hands. My dad is a builder, and over the holidays, he and his mates are going to tear down that flimsy tunnel, and build a proper solid one. They’ve recently taken down an old railway bridge and they’ve got all this spare stone. Funny how things work out, if you follow my train of thought…

So, when you come back in the New Year, expect us to be fully protected. But not only that, they’re going to put ‘firing slots’ in the stone. You won’t hit us, but we could hit you!!

I’m not saying we will (for legal reasons, ok).

Now we’re playing by Steeltown Rules! It’s payback, Thyme!

Yours sincerely,

B. Thomas

“Brainy” Brian Thomas,
Head Teacher,
Steeltown Comprehensive School.

This story was prompted by Sunday Photo Fiction, November 30th 2014, hosted by Al Forbes.

Click the logo for more details.

To view other entries in this challenge, click the link here.

The story and photos are also entered for the Pixel Prose Challenge, hosted by Amanda Lakey at UniqueArt Chic.com.

Click the logo for more details.

To view other entries in this challenge, click the link.

Old World Relics

November 23, 2014November 23, 2014 / Steve Lakey / 7 Comments

Photo and Fiction © Steve Lakey 2014

I am Gabriel. Until today I was the Curator of Antiquities at the Pyramid of Praise. The High Priest Council decided it was time for me to take retirement. I would have liked to stay longer, but they have someone more suitable in mind for the job. Someone a little more ‘trustworthy’, no doubt.

I’ll keep this brief as there isn’t much time. I have copied this document on a printing press machine. A piece of technology our world has not seen for centuries.

Look at the globes in this picture – hidden in a secret gallery – forbidden to ordinary eyes. THIS IS OUR WORLD, I ASSURE YOU. IT IS NOT FLAT!

Know this, the Old Race of man that made those globes had technologies that would stagger your mind. I have only seen a fraction of what they created. But I have discovered more…

The Old Race took control of the skies, and headed for the stars. That’s when things changed. There was a landing on the Red Planet, and much later they formed a colony. Eventually some of those people returned to Earth.

But they were not alone! People who look like us, but with stronger minds, came here not to assimilate, but to control.

Using Science disguised as magic, the ‘High Priests’, as they named themselves, quickly gained absolute control of this planet. Gradually they rolled back our knowledge, and forbade its use. To this day, they remain cowled and hidden in their pyramids. Yet they rule without dissent.

I know my retirement will be brief, and I will not be seen again. I have given copies of this document to trusted friends. Please read this and pass it on. Make and distribute copies if you can.

Remember, Knowledge is power!

Good luck to you all.

Gabriel

The photo and story were prompted by Pixel Prose Challenge, November 23rd 2014, hosted by Amanda Lakey at UniqueArtChic.com. Click the logo for more details.

To view other posts in this challenge, click the link.

Artist’s Impression

November 16, 2014 / Steve Lakey / 1 Comment

I’m a Seafront Artist. Like a piece of smooth wood on the beach, I sort of drifted into it: the business was handed down from father to son. But of course, I’ve taken it to the next level.

I found creating the artwork a bit of a bind in the early days. But – needs must, and all that. Good job I’m a bit of a genius with modern technology.

You probably know the drill: I take a few photos of you, and when you return, 30 minutes later, there you are – in a cartoon style, or looking like a Hollywood star. I’m nothing if not versatile.
If you like what you see, you might want to look at my watercolours, or oils.

I’m always one for making a good impression, wearing my traditional beret, pencil moustache and artist’s smock. A half-completed masterpiece on the easel…

During the summer season, I spend my days in my brightly coloured beach hut, which doubles as an artist’s studio. But, with me, I’m afraid not everything is as it seems.

My hut isn’t wood. Too high-maintenance. It’s made from brightly covered materials that will still look good in fifty years time. Much like myself, I suppose!

Don’t ask where I get the feed for my wi-fi and satellite TV. I’m not telling about either.

So, what will your picture be mate, humorous or classic?

What! You’re a copper? Got to be kidding me. So, okay, I use computer software to make pictures. I never actually say that I paint ‘em myself. Not illegal is it? Don’t you put those cuffs on me! I’ve got a reputation to think about.

I’ve been framed!

The photo and story were prompted by Pixel Prose Challenge, November 16th 2014, hosted by Amanda Lakey at UniqueArtChic.com. Click the logo for more details.

To view other posts in this challenge, click here.