positive action

Don’t Go Without, Go Within

/ Steve Lakey / 8 Comments

the-candle Photo: The Candle by Bobbi Jones Jones

“The peace we need is always present, it’s just that

 we have forgotten where it is and how to find it.”

Clare Wilde.

It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but I’ve found that looking for external solutions to every problem just doesn’t work.

I’ve always thought of myself as being ‘Spiritual’ rather than ‘Religious’ and have never become formally attached to any such group. I’ve never accepted the “one size fits all” approach, where someone tells you they have all the knowledge you need. And you shouldn’t question their message or look elsewhere for answers, if it doesn’t make sense to you.  I like to have the freedom to accept or reject beliefs and philosophies, using my own reasoning and intuition.

And yet over the years, I’ve found myself wanting the “quick fix” that seems to be on offer with a self-help author’s latest title. No matter that I bought their last one, thoroughly digested it… And moved on to the next. I still have the books, CDs and DVDs to prove it!

Rather than just reading the material, I hoped that the latest book would be “The One” that gave me enlightenment, and solved all my problems. Or rather gave me all the tools I needed to do that. Isn’t that what Spiritual and Self Help books are supposed to do?

But they too have a “one size fits all” approach – suggesting that the solutions to Life’s problems can be contained neatly into a book, or Ten Step Programme or Nine CD set. And although their last book implied that this was ‘all you need to know’, they now have distilled their message into an even more perfect ‘must-read’.

It’s not helped by the fact that there is a huge industry that has developed out of the Self-Improvement and Motivational field. Which is not a bad thing in itself. But it seems that authors often try and out-do each other with ever more amazing claims of what their programme or system can do for you. Sometimes it’s really just a book, but calling it a “programme” or “system” gives it a bit more ‘holistic’ credibility.

I’m sure there is benefit to be had in learning and absorbing new approaches, and different perspectives. So I’m going to carry on reading and listening to motivational material. But instead of asking the author of the next book to give me Life’s solutions, I’ll look within. That’s where I believe I will find the answers I need. And where they were all along.

Positively Negative!

/ Steve Lakey / 4 Comments

old-camera Photo: Old Camera by George Hodan

If you’ve read the same books on “Positive Thinking” that I have, they make it sound so easy:

  1. Really focus on what you want.
  2. Sit back and let the Positivity flow.
  3. Live Happily Ever After! 

Or something along those lines. Is it working for you? No, me neither! Because we live in the real, physical world. And we need to act on our dreams, and move a little closer to them.

So, where to begin? If you feel that you’re not moving forward with your life, inspiration isn’t that easy to come by.  The good news is that motivation can come in one of two forms: positive – moving towards what you want, or negative – moving away from what you don’t want. And if ‘negative’ is closer to what you are feeling right now, that’s where to start. Tap into your negative feelings.

For instance, if you’re overweight and you don’t like the way it makes you feel, be honest about it to yourself. Say why you’d like to lose those pounds. I know we’re told to focus on the Positive, but if you’re not in that place, it’s easier said than done. So, begin the process from where you are. Later, once you’re motivated, you can switch to the positive, and focus on why you want to be healthy, rather than why you don’t like being overweight.

You may want to try this:

  1. Make a list of what isn’t working in your life.
  2. Look at each point on the list, and write down what you don’t like about it. And why you’d like to move away from it.
  3. Focus on the “energy” of the list, and notice how different it feels, compared to being unmotivated. Use the negative energy of dislike to motivate you.
  4. Pick an item on the list and look for a small action you can take in connection with that goal. Add that onto the list.
  5. If the small action seems too daunting, break it down into even smaller tasks.
  6. Once you’ve completed a mini-task – celebrate, bask in the warm glow of satisfaction, and then pick another.
  7. Keep adjusting the list, so you gradually replace negative “moving away from” goals with positive “moving towards” goals, and keep including those practical steps. Leave your successes on the list.
  8. Once your list becomes more positive, check it and make sure that ‘Smiling’ and ‘Having Fun’ are included somewhere!
  9. Relax. You’ve earned it.
  10. Don’t quit on your dreams. Ever.

 

Make a Choice!

/ Steve Lakey / 11 Comments

everyone-has-a-choice

Photo: Everyone has a Choice by George Hodan

We are our choices” Jean-Paul Sartre

Life seems very difficult, when so much of it appears to be beyond our control. Turn on the News and you see death, disaster and mayhem on a daily basis. Scary stuff. And there’s nothing we can do about it! Or is there?

There are three things that are always under our control, although we often forget it: our thoughts, feelings and actions. We always have a choice.

Of course we live in the real world, and sometimes compromises have to be made. And occasionally the best option is the “least worst” one. But you can always look for temporary solutions, while you move through a situation. You don’t have to get there in one leap.

Break your problem into smaller manageable chunks. First of all, clearly define your goal. What is your desired outcome? If you can’t see the whole path to the end result, develop a strategy to get you closer to where you want to be.

For instance, you may not like your job, but quitting it now may not be your best option:

  1. Firstly, make your current job more bearable. Look for the positives. Think what you’d miss if the job was to end tomorrow.
  2. Do your job better! You may not like your job, but you can like how you do it. There is satisfaction in doing the best you can.
  3. Can you get retrained? Evening classes may offer courses that may help you to find alternative employment.
  4. See your current job as a stepping-stone that allows you to develop the skills you need to achieve your desired goal.
  5. What are you passionate about? Almost any hobby can be turned into a business. The Internet has created a global market place. Someone, somewhere will appreciate your skills and knowledge. Start in a small, affordable way in your spare time.

This process can be used for any issue we experience. By staying solution-focused we allow ourselves access to our inner creativity. Instead of reacting to circumstances, far better to be proactive and make our own choices.

Placebo or Nocebo?

/ Steve Lakey / 11 Comments

medical-pills

Photo: Medical Pills by Vera Kratochvil

Placebo (Latin: “I will please”) Nocebo (Latin: “I will harm”)

Most people are familiar with the “Placebo Effect”, positive health benefits brought about purely by a person’s belief in the healing effects of their medication. A placebo, or “sugar pill” contains only an inert substance that has no independent healing properties.

It is purely the person’s belief in the medication, often coupled with the reassurance of a trusted medical professional, that kick-starts the healing process.

The effects of this process are so significant that it is commonly factored into the testing of new drugs, before they are released onto the market.

Less well known is the “Nocebo Effect”, where people receiving a placebo report negative effects – worsening of their symptoms. This is not through any chemical side effects, but purely through their belief that the tablet will not be effective in treating their condition.

The evidence shows that the key to our physical wellbeing lies with our mental attitude, brought about by our thoughts and feelings. If we don’t direct our thoughts, they may drift between positive and negative, or be predominantly one or the other.

We can choose our thoughts by practice and repetition. No matter what our current circumstances, the answer lies within us.

Which effect do you choose to nurture: placebo or nocebo?