Eau Chute!

Lamp

Photo: © Al Forbes 2016

It was the culmination of my Life’s work – it had taken thirty years and all of my savings. Running on solar power, this highly portable unit can draw water from even the driest atmosphere. In a world struggling to cope with climate change, I knew it would become a lifesaver – as long as I could find a buyer.

I searched companies that would sell the unit at an affordable price. I almost had a deal worked out, but then got an offer I couldn’t refuse – from one of the big boys in bottled water.

Eau Chute! no less. They won me over with the hard sell. They told me how they could drive the price down with their volume of sales. They would have hi-tech manufacturing plants set up within 12 months. The royalties deal, and a directorship for me was very generous, but it didn’t matter. That’s not why I signed on the dotted line.

I was truly excited as I attended my first Board meeting at ‘Chute Chateau’, their luxury corporate headquarters. But I got a frosty reception. My credentials were invalid. After a brief exchange, I was thrown out on the street by security.

I got back home to find I’d been broken into. All my hard drives were missing. The only evidence of my work was, no doubt, in a vault at the Chateau. Apparently, no one at Eau Chute! had any knowledge of who I was. Those corporate raiders could now sell my machine as their own.

I sat back and waited for the product to appear. But nothing. And that was ten years ago. Maybe they’re just waiting for a global fresh water crisis?

Now, I use every waking hour to create a more efficient machine. I’m crowdfunding as I go, and everything is in the public domain. So, if you want to save lives, and get one over on Eau Chute!, give what you can.

Every drop helps!

 

This story is inspired by the photo supplied by Al Forbes of Sunday Photo Fiction, January 3rd 2016.  For more details click the logo.

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Luck of the Drawers?

Chinese

Photo: © Al Forbes 2015

All of my new lucky eight furniture items have been in place for some time now. After checking my i-ching app, I’ve had a feng shui consultant place them to gain the maximum chi flow.

I bought them for a steal at my local auction house. They were custom-made, with the same powerful message in gold leaf, on each item. Apparently the closest translation is ‘Riches Now, Death Later!’ You see why I had to have them. It matches with my ‘Sleep when I’m Dead’ philosophy.

The guy who commissioned this stuff, he’d only had it for a few weeks when his car gets mashed by a drunken driver. The payout made him a millionaire, but he only lived on for a week after the money came through. Tough break.

But his bad luck was my good fortune. His estate was auctioned off, and I didn’t hang about. Since I got this furniture, my online betting system has really taken off. I’m raking it in. Who knows, in a couple of years I’ll have made enough to buy my own island!

Well, gotta go. Work hard, play harder! My final destination today is the hot tub. I’ve just bought a new one from that discount guy, Jacques Uzi, at a killer price.

 

This story is inspired by the photo supplied by Al Forbes of Sunday Photo Fiction, December 27th 2015.  For more details click the logo.

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Have a S.A.F.E. Christmas

SantaPhoto: © Al Forbes 2004

“Come in and take a seat. Just get comfortable and tell me what you want for Christmas. And please remain at least three feet from me at all times. Oh, don’t cry! I hate it when they cry…”

(10 minutes later)

“Before I tell you what I want for Christmas, is what I say, like, confidential? Are we protected by Santa client privilege or somethin’?”

“It’s not a question I’m usually asked. But, yes of course, within the usual legal boundaries. By the way, you haven’t been drinking have you?”

“Yeah, I might have had a 3 litre bottle of strong cider, to take the edge off. Ya know?”

“We do have a ‘12 strikes and you’re out’ no-alcohol policy here – hey, times are tough, right? But I’m not one to be judgemental, even if that leans you more towards the ‘naughty’ rather than ‘nice’ category.”

“Look, I’ve got to tell somebody! I feel too old for all this Yuletide stuff. It was my mum’s idea. Loves a traditional Christmas, that one. She knows I hate turning up to Santa’s grotto year after year, but she’s threatened to throw me out on the street if I don’t turn up. My friends would all be laughing at me – if I had any left. It’s not fair. I hate Christmas!”

“Well, Santa, thank you for opening up. I’m hearing real emotions here! I think we’ve made a breakthrough today. Let’s leave it at that, for now. Here at ‘Santas Are Free to Express’ (S.A.F.E.) it’s all about what YOU want for Christmas!”

“Thanks, Dr Rudolf. Same time tomorrow, then.”

 

This story is inspired by the photo supplied by Al Forbes of Sunday Photo Fiction, December 20th 2015.  For more details click the logo.

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Green Manhattan

Green Man

Photo: © Al Forbes 

 

It’s been a long road, but finally I made it onto Broadway. Well, the junction of Broadway and W 48th St to be precise.

I thought I was well prepared at my audition, but in the end I just had to improvise. I told Willi Kall – the Director – I was hoping to play the Green Man as the link between Man and Mother Earth, a symbol of rebirth and the bounty of the natural world. But he said, “Hey, this is Midtown Manhattan!” – turns out they were looking for something a bit more street-wise.

He said my character has to light up when his buttons are pressed, like a spark of electricity. But I told him straight, I’m not appearing in anything my mother wouldn’t come to see.

I saw red, and was going to walk – there and then. But rather than getting cross, something told me to stand my ground until the time was right. So I calmed down, and played it more pedestrian. Willi coloured up and said I was just what he was looking for. And he assured me that my role was something all the family could see.

I know its intermittent work, but this could lead to bigger things. Maybe one day, if the numbers add up, you could see me in lights, at Times Square!

Who’s green with envy now?

 

This story is inspired by the photo supplied by Al Forbes of Sunday Photo Fiction, December 13th, 2015.  For more details click the logo.

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Tracks of his Tyres

tyre

Photo: © A Mixed bag 2014

 

After 40 years in the Business, Joe King of King’s Tyres felt he’d almost hit the big time. A photo of one of his tyres had appeared on the front page of all the national tabloids. Word had spread through the village, and the bell on his Reception door had been tinkling a little more often than usual.

“Welcome, Young Man! Welcome to King’s Tyres, at Little Chuffing. I’m Joe King, but my prices are serious!” His visitor was the local copper, PC Johnny Plebworth just doing his rounds. Johnny had heard this line a thousand times, but it still made him smile.

Joe continued, hardly taking a breath. “Johnny, one of our specialist tyres made the papers this week. Here, have a look at the photo. Beautiful! No such thing as bad publicity, eh.” Johnny chuckled to himself and glanced at the enlarged picture.

“It was on the Cornish Rally, final stages. You know our driver, tyre-fitter Dave Pennywhistle, lost his traction on a clifftop and took the plunge. The car and four King’s tyres – lost to the Atlantic ocean. But Dave, the lucky lad, clung to the spare – a King’s Water Resistant Special.

“Dave survived, and the tyre is still good for another 20,000 miles. What’s not to like. No need to worry about rising sea levels if you’re driving with these little beauties!”

Dave was in the back office autographing postcard-sized photos, and labelling complementary bottles of home-made mulled wine. ‘Free with every full set of Specials.’

Joe handed two bottles to Johnny. “Here you are Pal, take a couple of bottles for you and the Missus.” Johnny looked at the label “Mull of King’s Tyres”, and with a laugh tucked them under his jacket, before walking out into the cold late afternoon. It was starting to rain. Maybe it was time to think about getting those specials…

This story is inspired by the photo supplied by Al Forbes of Sunday Photo Fiction, November 29th 2015.  For more details click the logo.

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